dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
