YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
