One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
