I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
