oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
