I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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