Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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