i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
