I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
