I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
