Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
