I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
