No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
