Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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