She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
