Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
