You just made me feel so damn special
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
