My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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