So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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