sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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