You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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