Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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