Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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