After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
