My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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