my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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