thanks...oh and i got my period
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...