I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.