I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..