Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil