The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
