wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
