I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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