Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
