so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
