He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do vagina's smell?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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