Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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