she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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