just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
