threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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