Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
