I wish my penis had an off switch
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
