i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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