She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
