Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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