"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
