Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
