I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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