DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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