Did you just see the Batmobile???
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
