He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
