So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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