I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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