I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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