Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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