I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
