He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
